fratboydooshbag | UC Sunnydale, Friday, October 5th, Evening

So, school had been in session for about a month now, and Asher (or, 'Doosh,' as he was known to his roommate's personal narrative) had learned a lot of things:

*The business department had TONS of couches throughout the building, like they expected their students to nap and need some place to take chicks when their roommates were whiny bitches,

*It wasn't a stereotype that college chicks liked dudes in frats the best,

*His roommate was a whiny bitch.

Unfortunately for Doosh, the third fact made the first fact necessary (though he also appreciated the couches when he wanted to sleep through lecture and his whiny bitch roommate was yapping on the phone or at his computer like a 14 year old girl). Also unfortunately for douche, the second fact made the first fact useless for him right now. All the hot bitches he'd tried to mack on were only interested in dudes in the frat. And since he wasn't first-string football yet, he couldn't even use that instead!

But now that October was here, Rush Week had started. And Doosh had learned a few things about Rush Week, too.

*Zeta Lambda Psi was the frat to join, at least if you wanted to be anyone on campus.

*Zetas also threw THE BEST KEGGERS of all time.

*The number one freshman that all the frats were looking to recruit was, you guessed it, Doosh's own...whiny bitch roommate. Because he was loaded.

All of which meant two things: 1) Doosh needed Warren to rush Zeta with him to SECURE his chances of getting into the frat, and 2) that meant dragging Warren out to a party on a Friday night like a real college student, instead of leaving him behind to cry into an old pair of his girlfriend's panties or something.

Fuck.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

fratboydooshbag

...He'd had to look it up after some brainy chick had turned him down in high school. Shut up.

"Ooooh. Daddy doesn't like the giiiiirlfriend?" He'd get to the rest of that stuff later. This looked like prime ribbing opportunity. "She not rich enough? Or did her daddy beat yours at waterpolo or some stupid shit like that."

Which Doosh firmly believed was played on horses. Just like regular polo, but in the water. Yup.

"And I'm trying to get you to come out with me because you're just going to lame up our dorm room if you stay in here. Besides. Maybe you can learn how to have fun if you see someone else having some for a change."

From:

wwiii

"Dad doesn't like the girlfriend because she's prone to telling him off when he's being an ass," Warren countered. "Her parents are both dead."

Warren didn't imagine Asher would have the common human decency to put his foot in his mouth, there. But he was bristling a little as he said it, so at least there was that?

"And if my studying bothers you so goddamn much, I can take it somewhere else. There are coffee shops that are open late on Fridays, after all."

From:

fratboydooshbag

Okay, Doosh did feel a little bad about cracking on Warren's girlfriend's dead parents, but it's not like she'd heard him, right? Or that he could have known.

So get off his back, Warren, gawd!

"Going to a coffee shop to study on Friday nights isn't going to teach you how to have fun," he said, though without his usual amount of 'duh.' See? That was like an apology. "Loosen up, bra. That's all I'm saying."

From:

wwiii

Warren narrowed his eyes , squinting at his roommate for a few moments more before shrugging. Fine. He'd play Asher's game.

"If I go out tonight, will you let me study tomorrow, or am I going to have to camp out on some rooftop somewhere?"

From:

fratboydooshbag

Doosh rolled his eyes again, but if that was the price he had to pay to get Warren to tonight's Zeta party, it was worth it.

"I so don't get your hard-on for rootops, bra. But if you want to waste a perfectly good Saturday with your nose in a book, no sweat off my balls."

You're welcome for that image, Warren.

From:

wwiii

... Sweaty balls. Yep. That was a mental image he'd need a few stiff drinks to be rid of.

"Yeah, I'll waste that Saturday," Warren sighed. "Where did you want to go, anyhow?"

Don't do it, Warren!

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Just a party," Doosh said. Casually. "Thrown by some dudes."

So...the largest and most cramped party on campus, filled with tons of underage drinking and unwise decisions that would most likely lead to police getting called to shut it down.

The Zetas threw the best parties ever.

From:

wwiii

"... That's what this is all about? You didn't want to show up alone to some party on a Friday night?"

Warren was looking perturbed all over again.

"Which... dudes? Do I know any?"

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Probably not," Doosh replied. "They don't hang out in textbooks."

Or the library. Or classes, really.

"...Have you even heard about the Zeta frat?"

From:

wwiii

"The ones that throw the really crazy parties?"

Yeah, Warren had heard of them. It was difficult not to. He'd been contemplating the Kappa Sigma frat, mostly for nostalgia sake, but also because they actually seemed to be somewhat more oriented toward academics and honor and courage...

"Like, the reason we hear sirens on campus every other Friday night?"

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Exactly!" Doosh was pleased, both that Warren was completely ignorant and with the plan of going to one of those parties. "We're totally going to rush them! It'll be fuckin' awesome!"

From:

wwiii

Warren inched back a little. When his roomie got that look in his eye, distance really seemed like the only option.

"... You want to rush the Zetas."

A beat.

"You want me to rush the Zetas with you."

Save him, Kappa Sigma!

From:

fratboydooshbag

"It'll be fuckin' awesome, bra!"

For one thing, he'd no longer be alone in his quest to save Warren from a life of hopeless lameness.

"And junior year, we can even move into the frat house instead of these loser dorms!"

From:

wwiii

"I... wasn't actually..."

Planning to be here that long?

That.

"... I mean, I was looking at the Kappas..."

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Kappas?"

Doosh made a face as if Warren had just expressed a fondness for rotten meat.

"Ugh. Could you maybe try not to be a loser? Just a little?"

From:

wwiii

"What, and put forth a conscious effort towards something that isn't pivotal to the rest of my life?" Warren was raising an eyebrow at you, Doosh. A very pointed eyebrow. "Sounds almost like effort."

Not the E word!

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Dude, bra, seriously? Like...having fun is not going to be pivotal for the rest of your life?"

Warren, your life was the SADDEST.

From:

wwiii

"That's what high school was for," Warren countered. "And after college. Believe it or not, I didn't decide to go to school for the keggers."

Or... whatever they were called.

From:

fratboydooshbag

Look at Doosh's face, Warren. Just look at it.

He is SO CONFUSED.

From:

wwiii

Poor, poor Doosh. Warren was really... kind of unsympathetic.

"... What is that look for?"

He'd thought that his explanation had made perfect sense, Asher.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Dude. Who doesn't want to have fun in college?"

And how did Warren have that much fun in high school?!? He must just be confused about what fun was.

From:

wwiii

"... Any son of my father," Warren replied, sounding... maybe a touch bitter about that. "High expectations, and all."

He shrugged.

"I'll go to the party with you, but I'm not making any promises about joining the Zetas. I really can't afford to screw this year up, Asher."

From:

fratboydooshbag

"You're a freshman," Doosh replied, rolling his eyes at the idea of the 'son of my father' comment. "Fucking up this year is what we do."

From:

wwiii

It wasn't, if that was all the school you were planning on getting before taking off for far-off worlds.

The things he couldn't say to his roommate...

"Maybe it's what you do. But even I can't afford to mess this one up."

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Dude. I've seen the money you flash around." Like a wealthy asshole. "You can afford anything. Or will Daddy cut you off from your trust fund if you don't get B's?"