fratboydooshbag | UC Sunnydale, Friday, October 5th, Evening

So, school had been in session for about a month now, and Asher (or, 'Doosh,' as he was known to his roommate's personal narrative) had learned a lot of things:

*The business department had TONS of couches throughout the building, like they expected their students to nap and need some place to take chicks when their roommates were whiny bitches,

*It wasn't a stereotype that college chicks liked dudes in frats the best,

*His roommate was a whiny bitch.

Unfortunately for Doosh, the third fact made the first fact necessary (though he also appreciated the couches when he wanted to sleep through lecture and his whiny bitch roommate was yapping on the phone or at his computer like a 14 year old girl). Also unfortunately for douche, the second fact made the first fact useless for him right now. All the hot bitches he'd tried to mack on were only interested in dudes in the frat. And since he wasn't first-string football yet, he couldn't even use that instead!

But now that October was here, Rush Week had started. And Doosh had learned a few things about Rush Week, too.

*Zeta Lambda Psi was the frat to join, at least if you wanted to be anyone on campus.

*Zetas also threw THE BEST KEGGERS of all time.

*The number one freshman that all the frats were looking to recruit was, you guessed it, Doosh's own...whiny bitch roommate. Because he was loaded.

All of which meant two things: 1) Doosh needed Warren to rush Zeta with him to SECURE his chances of getting into the frat, and 2) that meant dragging Warren out to a party on a Friday night like a real college student, instead of leaving him behind to cry into an old pair of his girlfriend's panties or something.

Fuck.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

wwiii

It was probably important to note that, Friday night or not, there was an important test that Warren needed to take on Monday morning, bright and early. And, for as involved as he'd been in the frat back on Fandom Island (Kappa Kappa Gremlin for life!), none of the fraternities here were... really his speed.

Of course, Warren sort of functioned on a speed all his own, and he was perfectly willing to admit that.

Tonight, his speed was set firmly to 'study.' And he was hell-bent on at least getting the first five chapters of this text committed to memory before turning in to sleep for the night. He... was going to get to sleep tonight, right?

From:

fratboydooshbag

Oh, look. His roommate was studying. There's a fucking shock. Doosh paused in the doorway and just rolled his eyes. Sure, he'd pulled the old 'textbook out and open in front of the computer' trick before, mostly to cover up the fact that he was actually looking at porn, but he was pretty sure Warren was studying.

Like, actually studying.

On a Friday night. His freshman year.

He'd tried explaining that freshman year was THE YEAR to fuck off academics because the administration didn't fucking care and that was the year you made your fucking rep, but Warren had just whined about something and Doosh had zoned out thinking about the cheerleaders doing jumping jacks.

Awww yeah.

But, anyway, tonight, that bullshit ended. Tonight, his roommate was NOT going to pussy out on him.

"Guess what, bra," he drawled from the doorway. "It's about to be your lucky night."

From:

wwiii

You know, every time Warren heard that voice, he couldn't help but grit his teeth. Maybe it was because he could only guess at what horrors Asher had thought up for him next.

Maybe he just didn't like being called 'bra.'

"Don't tell me. They've invented a way to cram fifteen chapters of poli-sci through osmosis, and I actually do get to go to bed before two, tonight?"

Warren should be so lucky.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Actually, no, dude," Doosh said, sauntering over to peer over Warren's shoulder--just to make sure there wasn't any secret porn going on.

Nope. Just studying. Fuckin' lame.

At least his Axe bodyspray covered up the weird Frito smell Warren was always rocking. Go figure. Shouldn't a rich kid small like Armani or some shit?

"Nah, bra. They've officially proven that poli-sci is for little bitches and have agreed to let every one whose testicles have dropped stop taking the fucking class."

Doosh was hilarious.

From:

wwiii

Ha. Ha. See Warren laugh? Oh, he was totally laughing it up. You could tell. You could tell by the way he was...

... Completely not laughing at all.

"Okay. Cool. That gives me more time to study for my economics test on Tuesday," Warren countered easily. While not looking up from his book, so sue him. "It's a pretty important one. But my testicles and I figured that poli-sci would come in a little handy after I leave here."

For some reason or other. It was actually kind of interesting, taking the Earth theory and trying to apply it alongside Kaeleeran protocol.

From:

fratboydooshbag

Yeah. That totally sounded interesting. If you were a lame fucking loser with no life outside your fucking high school girlfriend.

So, yeah. No wonder Warren's narrative thought it was the most awesome thing ever.

"Oh my fucking god," Doosh said, stomping back to his bed and flinging himself onto it. Oh, hey. That's where that issue of Maxim went. Hello Angelina...Wait no!

This was no time to get distracted!

"You are fuckin' unbelievable, you know that? Do you even know what day it is?"

From:

wwiii

"Friday," Warren replied easily, shrugging his shoulders a little as he turned another page.

He was not easily swayed by dramatics. He'd had a couple of years to be desensitized to them, after all.

"And?"

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Do you have, like, any concept of what Fridays are for?"

From:

wwiii

"I thought I did, but apparently not," Warren sighed, looking over his shoulder at Doosh and just shaking his head a little. "Apparently I've been mistaken all this time. I wonder how that could be."

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Probably because you've been a boring loser your whole life," Doosh opined. Philosophically. "You're just fuckin' lucky some housing authority on high decided to like you and pair you up with me."

Doosh personally wondered what he'd done wrong to deserve this, but could only guess that the school realized how much fuckin' help Warren needed.

"And so I'm here to help you learn a few fuckin' things, like what Fridays are for. Protip? Ain't for school work. How to drink like a man. And how to get some fuckin' grade-A, collegiate pussy."

You're welcome, Warren.

From:

wwiii

"Which, as we all know, is the only reason a guy like me should ever want to go to college," Warren sighed. But at least he was closing his book. He didn't suspect he was going to get much studying done tonight anyway. "You know I'm already happy with the girl I've got, right?"

Just checking.

Again.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Yeah, yeah, your little high school girlfriend," Doosh replied, rolling his eyes. "The one who's probably banging the entire football team while you're gone."

Though if she were smart, she'd keep banging Warren, too. Everyone knew that high school girls loved to brag about all the college dick they got.

"You know it's kind of pathetic to still be hung up on some girl just because she let you finger her behind the bleachers at Homecoming, right?"

Just checking.

Again.

[I'm sorry! I just keep finding ways to make him more offensive!]

From:

wwiii

There were some very well-concealed feathers doing a lot of prickling, right about then.

"I'm not hung up on anybody. I'm committed. There's a difference." Not that it would be obvious to Asher, here, granted. "And my last school didn't have any sports teams. And even if it did, I doubt she'd be putting the moves on them, anyhow."

For various reasons.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"And the difference is...?"

Doosh literally had no idea.

"So, like, you came from a school of losers? No wonder you're fuckin' hopeless." Doosh had been starting QB at his high school. "What? Did it make you guys sad to lose all the fucking time?"

Pansies.

From:

wwiii

"... No, our school was on an island. Getting to sporting events would have been difficult."

Not as much as explaining why one of the cheerleaders was a frog, granted, but it wasn't like Warren was going to say that, either.

"I'm pretty sure our sports teams would have held their own, otherwise."

Since most of the guys inclined to take part in those things were, like, superhuman ninjas or something.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"You went to school on a fuckin' island?" Color Doosh completely unsurprised. "No wonder you're so..." He waved a hand at Warren. "You."

That wasn't a compliment, Warren

From:

wwiii

Warren really just needed to take this opportunity to stare.

"... So me. What does that even mean?"

Use your words, Doosh.

From:

fratboydooshbag

Words were haaaard! There was a reason he was a business major, okay?!

"Boring, whiny, lame-ass, and pussy-whipped," Doosh responded without a pause.

Okay, so words were only hard when he wasn't insulting Warren.

"No, seriously. You went to some kinda isolated rich-kid school on a fuckining island. Did you go to school in a castle, too?"

From:

wwiii

"... Of course not."

Shut up. Warren was a Worthington. He could lie when he felt it suited him best, okay?

"And it wasn't just a school for rich kids. It was kind of secluded, sure, but there were plenty of people from all walks of life, there."

Yes. Yes he did just use the phrase 'walks of life' in normal conversation.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Yeah, because 'walks of life' is a word that normal people use," Doosh muttered. "Lemme guess. A buncha scholarship kids you let in so they can manage your big businesses while you play golf on your yacht or some shit."

And then maturely wadded up a sock and threw it at Warren's head. No class tension here!

"So this girlfriend that owns your dick. She some pretty girl from the poor side of the tracks?"

He doubted it.

From:

wwiii

"... She's gorgeous. But. Well, no," Warren replied, looking fairly annoyed, now, after swatting away that sock. "Not technically. But her money doesn't have anything to do with any of it. And the school isn't mine. I don't think they even charge students to be there."

He hadn't thought to check. It wasn't like he would have missed the money.

Not that he was going to say that to Asher.

"Look, I just... I went there so that I could fit in for once. But it wasn't some elite private school for rich kids or anything. If I wanted something like that, I would have gone to Harvard or Yale."

Ad he would have paid tuition up-front, too.

From:

fratboydooshbag

"Yeah," Doosh snorted. "Sure it doesn't. And your parents would have been totally fine with you bringing home some poor chick."

Banging her, sure. Bringing her home? DOOSH HAD HIS DOUBTS. He watched TV! He knew how these things worked!

"So you went to some private school on an island to learn how to fit in." Commence more eye-rolling. "Yeah. I can see how much that helped. Won't even go to a party on Friday night with your fuckin' roommate. Too plebeian for you?"

Yeah. 'Plebeian' had helped Doosh schore a 470 on his Verbal SATS!

From:

wwiii

How had he even learned that word?

"Too 'not studying' for me," Warren grit out. "And my parents have nothing to do with it. I don't even talk to them. Hell, so far as I can tell, my father doesn't like Karla, money or none."

He took a moment to settle down again, forcibly smoothing his feathers down over his back.

"Why do you want me to come along so badly anyhow, if I suck so much? I'd think you'd be embarrassed to be seen with me, or something."

From:

fratboydooshbag

...He'd had to look it up after some brainy chick had turned him down in high school. Shut up.

"Ooooh. Daddy doesn't like the giiiiirlfriend?" He'd get to the rest of that stuff later. This looked like prime ribbing opportunity. "She not rich enough? Or did her daddy beat yours at waterpolo or some stupid shit like that."

Which Doosh firmly believed was played on horses. Just like regular polo, but in the water. Yup.

"And I'm trying to get you to come out with me because you're just going to lame up our dorm room if you stay in here. Besides. Maybe you can learn how to have fun if you see someone else having some for a change."

From:

wwiii

"Dad doesn't like the girlfriend because she's prone to telling him off when he's being an ass," Warren countered. "Her parents are both dead."

Warren didn't imagine Asher would have the common human decency to put his foot in his mouth, there. But he was bristling a little as he said it, so at least there was that?

"And if my studying bothers you so goddamn much, I can take it somewhere else. There are coffee shops that are open late on Fridays, after all."