"Probably because you've been a boring loser your whole life," Doosh opined. Philosophically. "You're just fuckin' lucky some housing authority on high decided to like you and pair you up with me."

Doosh personally wondered what he'd done wrong to deserve this, but could only guess that the school realized how much fuckin' help Warren needed.

"And so I'm here to help you learn a few fuckin' things, like what Fridays are for. Protip? Ain't for school work. How to drink like a man. And how to get some fuckin' grade-A, collegiate pussy."

You're welcome, Warren.